Relational Aspirations

I didn’t want my first real blog to be about relationships or love as women typically talk about such things. I wanted to write about something intellectual. With so many sociological topics to discuss I wanted to convey my thoughts about the need for more responsible and accountable adults in this world. More forward thinking individuals focused on self-improvement and communal growth.  But as I passed The Time Travelers Wife which has been sitting on my tv for 2 weeks now unwatched my mind contemplated why I hadn’t found the time or rather in the time I’ve truly had… why haven’t I watched it. And the reality is as much as I believe movies create an unrealistic expectation of love and the way it plays out in romantic relationships, there is something about this movie that portrays a reality about how love truly exists. A painful reality that in order to experience something honest and long lasting, great amounts of sacrifice is required. In examining some of the relationships around us that have existed beyond 20 years, we will find no idealistic love story. No couple who says they’ve made it that far without having multiple situations that severely challenged who they were as individuals and forced decisions to be made based on the inner hierarchy we create regarding life and love. A young girl meets a man who she falls in love with only to discover he is unable to fully be a part of her life. Rather than search for something that better suits her needs of having an everyday lover, she embraces the importance of what she can have with him and the way it fits into what she wants while inevitably having to accept the pain of what she cannot have.  This, with all of its unrealistic attributes of time continuum, is still essentially what love and the loving that exists inside relationships is about. Finding a person who gives us those attributes we yearn for in another individual while being forced to accept the sourness of what comes with not being able to conjure up the ideal mate I frequently reflect on relationship and relationship choices… hey I’m a Cancer and a woman … it’s bound to happen! But seriously … I frequently observe others and myself and wonder what it is that pushes us to make the choices we do in choosing a mate. More importantly what pushes us to choose to stay with someone despite painful gut wrenching situations?  I’ve watched women stay in relationships that I felt required them to forego some if not all of their dignity and yet they smile and genuinely express happiness within their current situation. It perplexed me! Still does to a point but I do believe I am now able to understand a little better why that happens. Everyone wants someone… but nothing about what we want is identically the same. Familial background, sociological standing and our own personal hierarchy of needs plays a role in our process of choosing a mate and the fortitude with which we stand firm amidst the storms and uncomfortableness that relationships bring or whether we decide to walk away and find shelter.  Some choose to stay attempting to create a blissfulness that will never quite exist. While other s actively choose to look for something beyond the fickleness of love to be the motivating factor which drives them to endure the bitterness in order to partake in the sweetness that comes from growing and building with another individual.  . The holistic definition of love requires that we endure difficulties and sacrifices. If we put the context of finding love and building something substantial to that of building a house what we will find is they resemble one another quite accurately.  Despite having a strong foundation houses will inevitably require fixing up. Something will break or need to be repaired. From time to time the foundation itself may need to be fixed. But when we purchase or even build our own homes we’ve committed to putting energy into something substantial and accept along with that commitment will come hardships and dedication. I don’t have all the answers and certainly haven’t figured out the perfect equation for harmonious relationships… This is only me exploring one of the temples of my familiar!